My heart is broken.
The spiritual side of adventurous living is only fun when things are going great but when bad news comes, faith is called into question.
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Today I woke up to a message from a very dear friend. This friend and her family are very special to me. We have been friends for more than 15 years. Today, she told me that her husband’s cancer spread to his brain and soon he will need surgery and radiation.
My heart is broken.
The spiritual side of adventurous living takes a beating when news like this happens. My heart is broken for my friend. It wasn’t that long ago that I buried my own husband and now my friend is in the battle of her life.
When I first got the news that he was diagnosed I rebuked cancer and informed God that this was unacceptable. I told God that he had to heal my friend because we need him here. It is not time for him to go to heaven. I let God hear the cries of my broken heart.
My broken heart is still not fixed. Faith is called into question when prayers don’t get answered. I love God and I believe that His Word is the truth. There is healing in the name of Jesus. Yes, I believe. I’m reminded of Lauren Daigle’s song, “You Say.”
God is holding me.
My heart is broken but He is still holding me; even if I don’t feel it. He loves me even when I can’t feel a thing. God is my strength. Yes, my faith is still there even when it doesn’t feel good.
In the past, I’ve seen God move. I’ve seen miracles and even prayed for some that came to pass. God used me to pray for others and they received their miracle. So why not my friend? I don’t know. But it is these times that I am reminded to rest in the arms of Jesus no matter what. This is not the time to turn my back on faith. It’s the time to press in and cry out. It is time to give God my broken heart because I can’t handle it anymore.
Yes, my heart is broken, but what about my friend?
My lovely, beautiful, faithful, friend? Her heart is breaking and there is nothing she can do about it. Her husband is dying and there is nothing she can do. That is just about killing me. I want to help her so badly, but I don’t know what to do. I offer my shoulder to cry on, my ear to listen, and I even offered to take her to the gym to beat up a heavy bag.
Her heart is broken, and I want to fix it. The spiritual side of adventurous living is not always a picnic. Sometimes it is downright painful. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a relationship with the God who does. His ways are not our ways and even though I don’t see His plan, I must rest in it. I must continue to keep the faith, even when my heart is broken.
When my own husband died my heart ached. My stomach hurt. I couldn’t eat or sleep. There were days when I couldn’t catch my breath. I cried continuously. She must be feeling the same way and I’d give almost anything to take that away from my friend.
And yet, I sit here. My heart is broken.
I pray, and I believe. That has to be enough.
I know that Jesus is holding me. He is holding my friends. I will never walk away from my faith. If my circumstances hurt this bad with Jesus, I can’t imagine how unbearable they would be without HIM.
If you are living without Jesus, it is time to begin living with him. Take the first step and click here.